Before i continue, i know how much shite you gentleman think i talk and therefore i understand then need for you to question the opinions within this report but i hope it reflects as much truth as possible, and if not then quite frankly you can all kiss my arse.

I think it is fair to say that recent weeks have left us newbury forest boys with a sour taste in our mouth, and it aint just down to having take aways round zeds! We have been playing well of late and not picking up points, conceding late silly goals along the way and letting our heads drop. The talent in our team has never been in question but so far this season, the ability to fulfil our potential has.

This week, i feel that we have turned the corner. The work rate, commitment, character, determination and kick em up the arse ability were all present in abundance by all and it was a pleasure to see, and whilst we still made errors and conceded the obligatory stupid goals (off marks arse), we never let our heads drop and showed what real newbury forest metal is all about.

Every single person played their part in what was a good game and a massive confidence booster. Here are my player ratings for this week:-

Ed "shut up you making too much noise" Polley:- 7/10
Ed did really well today. In previous games he has often started very well but lost confidence after a mistake,which is understandable, but costly when you are a keeper. However , today he had some difficult decisions to make and some tough shots to hold on to, but he stuck well to his task and came up with the goods when it was needed. I think he should be proud of his performance and the way it contributed to our win. Don't look now but he even hit a 50 yard moving ball! ROCKET!!

Chris "The Animal" Wallbank:- 8/10
Although i don't normally struggle for words as you guys know, i find it hard to put into words just how much i think this guy has contributed over the last few weeks. Having been asked to play out of position of recent weeks, he has made the right back position his own. He has hardly put a foot wrong and shows a tenacious never say die attitude and has put 100% effort in week in week out. Now he is enjoying playing there and rightly so cos i cant think of anyone i would rather have there at the moment. Its hard to remember he is only 16. Solid mate.

Marc "Five Bellies" Wakely:- 8/10
Marc continues to show us each week just why we need him out on pitch, as he is producing consistently good performances every week. He is strong in the air, and quick to react to anothers mistake and has formed an excellent partnership with murph. Today marc got his goal and the fat bastard scored with his "belly gonna get ya" routine which although looking like a goal that fat barry would score for the walford football team, counted nevertheless. Good for you son you deserve it.

Gary "I'm the poppa and there is no stopping me" Murphy:- 8/10
As much as it pains me to say this, and murph, believe me it does, Murph is showing what a great asset to the team he is. He has formed a solid partnership with marc and continues to lead by example in the back four line up. He gives the line stability and shape and when murph goes in for a ball, murph gets the ball. In this game his contribution was vital and if i am not mistaken, an assist for him also! Well done mate.

Robby "sicknote with a pharmacy in his pocket" Carlos:- 6/10
Ok, well it was the first game back for me after being off sick yet again with some bug i picked up from that place of shit i call work, and i found it ok. Until that was, my head decided that it was time to have a vertigo attack a key moment so i had to consult my pocket pharmacy. That aside i felt that I played well and made no big mistakes, but made some schoolboy errors by diving in a couple of times rather than standing my ground. I am looking to improve more and cut out these stupid errors once and for alll, but i enjoyed playing out on the left with zed this week. onwards and upwards. (or downwards 6 foot under if i get sick again!)

Dave "Sigmund Freud" Zarcaro 8/10
Hmm this is a difficult one, i feel i could write a dissertation on this one, but you will be pleased to know that i will keep it simple. Quite simply, Zed was superb today and came one point shy for me of claiming the MOM award. He must have felt a weight in his pocket all day from that right back he had in it. Darting runs, strength, great passing and some true quality "press the traingle button on pro evo" thru balls made him one of the best players on the park. We could all have a massive debate on his psychological warfare that he decided to wage on the other team but the fact is, they bought it hook line and sinker, and whilst i dont believe that he needs this in his game, he adds something to the team with it, sometimes will be goals and sometimes black eyes but hey, its all good. He also will want me to mention what i think was 2 very good assists, correct me if i am wrong zed. UP THE I_T_A_L_I_A_N.

Ruud Van DE RIJK 8/10:
Perhaps you may think i am being over enthusiastic with the scoring today?. I think not. Del is another example of why i am bigging up the midfield as much as i can this week as i thought they were all superb. He is a great team leader, and this week showed why, as good a right back as he is, we need him in the middle of the park. Strong, great in the air and generally everywhere, he leads by example and playmakes for the rest of the team. Never neglecting his defensive duties he was frequently back helping us win that vital ball back. Del will feel hard on himself for some wayward shots, but should remember he created those opportunities in the first place, and testing the keeper is what it's all about. DEL BOY is king of the nelson mandela house.

Little "Polish Hat Trick Hero" John 9/10:
It's no secret what i think of this kid, Class. I am a massive fan of johns and this week he was all over them like one of my rashes. His feet are quicker than dave polleys brain cells and his control is almost as good as robby carlos (but not quite mate sorry). For me, today john was my man of the match as not only was he the proud owner of an excellent hat trick, but he epitomised what newbury forest is all about. If he continues in this form he is gonna be almost impossible to keep out of the team and we can look forward to some more magic from him i am sure of that.

John "The Turk with the overhit balls" Hassan 8/10:
Continuing the theme of bigging up the midfield, John played his part as well as anyone else. One of Johns greatest assets is his ability in the air and i lost count of the amount of times he pounded headers back out away from the danger areas. His game on the floor today was better and he hit some great through balls and generally kept it simple. Loving his work when he picks it up in middle of park and switches the play, this is what we need to start doing as much as possible and get the ball into the full backs as much as possible. Great stuff mate.

Frankie "JAVIER RODRIGUES LOPEZ ALFREDO CARLOS GARCIA ALVAREZ PEREZ" 8/10
Frankie so far has my vote as the most improved player of the season. In recent seasons he has felt hard done by with much time on the subs bench and an inability to understand why this was. Well frankie, look how you are playing now and you will see why. You have gained strength, fitness and have developed a fanatstic cross on ya son. You are the reason why noone has been able to get near right wing recently and its for a good reason, today you produced another solid peformance terrorising their right side and was unlucky not to be given that goal. It will come mate and then some. Quality

Dave "U are the slowest c**t i have ever seen" Polley 7/10
Dave and I both sat on the bench last game and watched newbury lose a game we shouldnt have lost. He ran the line for us and had an excellent attitude throughout and was unlucky not to get on. This week he was given a start and made a good account of himself, making his presence a nuisance (no change there) and winning lots of flick ons. Although no goals in this game, that should not detract , dishearten or diminish (thats alliteration by the way dave) from his confidence in any way, as he contributed well to the overall team spirit and indeed the result. Nice one

Lee "so laid back he is horizontal" Nicholas 7/10
Lee was unlucky not to get a start today but looked lively when he came on, and he seems to terrorise defences with the way he runs directly at them and i know from personal experience playing against lee that when he does this he is a fuckin difficult customer. In this game he wasnt really on long enough to make a huge impact but the fact is he always looks dangerous and can bang in a goal from anywhere. We havent seen the best of him yet, but we are going to.

Alfred "i need a groin stretch rob" Egembah
Alf did well this week. On arrival at the church , he jinked past mr and mrs powell on the aisle with a deft flick of his boot and did well to avoid the incoming reverand smith who was sliding in with a vicious two footer. He got into trouble mid way through the first half of the service,when he accidentally sang out of tune and cracked a window, but he made up for it by scoring a hat trick (namely, the three choir girls he took home after the sermon). All in all, prayers were said and hymns sung and alf contributed to this well, and we all felt it at the match. The force of god was with us and even when he aint there, he still gives us a higher power. AMEN.

HAHA just kidding mate. Hope your groin is feelin ok and hope to have ya back soon mate,alfies corner needs its owner back.

Ok lads thats all. Cracking game and look forward to seeing you all on Thursday, and i do mean you all! so turn up you fuckers.

Peace out. ROBBY C.